The thing I’ve noticed about recommendations though, is that not many people seem to have them. And even if they have some, it’s usually only one or two from their network of hundreds!

Does that mean they aren’t awesome people? No, not at all – they are fantastic people who do great work.

I think the problem lies with us – it takes effort to recommend someone. You have to give of yourself, spend time formulating your thoughts, be genuine, and really mean what you say (as your whole network gets to read it!).

From experience, it seems that there are usually only a couple of ‘recommenders’ within any social group. The people who seem to know the good places to go, know who is best at what and can tell you all about it, know which shops have the best deals … but I don’t think it’s that the others in the group don’t also have this valuable information. They just choose not to share it.

To recommend means you have to overcome shyness. You have to back yourself and what you’re saying. It’s stepping out to help someone else, giving them the next rung on the ladder or tool in their toolkit.

I love recommenders. I want to be one myself, never hesitant when someone asks me to help them out by referring them to others – because I know that for them to ask takes courage; belief in what they have to offer, and knowing that others may need it too.

That’s why I think we should all share the love a bit more, and instead of merely thinking that someone is amazing and never telling anyone else about it, speak up and …

Be a Recommender

The ways we shut ourselves off from vulnerability are countless.

I’ve just re-watched my favorite Ted Talk where Brené Brown reveals the results of a decade of research on vulnerability. She tells us that accepting vulnerability is the key to feeling worthy of connection with other people. We need to let down our barriers and tell our true story with our whole hearts if we want to be loved and deeply connected with others. When we embrace the risk of being rejected, ridiculed, heart-broken or hurt, we practice our courage. We will push forward despite our fears being hurt and act with kindness for ourselves first, then kindness for others others. We will act with authenticity in order to be who we really are and let go of who we want to be. Brené tells us that when we fully embrace vulnerability with courage, compassion and authenticity, we plant the seeds for deep connections with our fellow human beings and ourselves.

She goes on; relating the acceptance of vulnerability to a whole range of desirable emotional states such as joy, empathy, gratitude and love. On the other hand, if we numb vulnerability, we numb our capacity for creativity, joy, empathy, gratitude and love.

I don’t know about you, but I was not exactly brought up to be vulnerable and certainly had some vulnerability-shunning behavior ingrained in me. If you catch yourself trying to be perfect and invulnerable occasionally, how about we both try a little experiment. Over the next week or so, let’s be aware of situations when we’re facing emotional risk, personal exposure and uncertainties. Then embrace these situations as opportunities to be vulnerable and practice courage, compassion and authenticity. Let’s see what happens … maybe we’ll indeed experience more joy and deeper connection with our fellow humans, if we just …

Be Vulnerable

Gritty students are determined to achieve, and so they do. Same with people in corporate jobs, pilots-in-training … no matter what we set out to do, if we have a decent dash of grit in the mix, then we are much more likely to reach our goals.

So what is grit?

It’s stickability. Pressing on when the going is tough and everyone else is gone. It’s determination to keep on track, keep reaching toward the outcome we want to achieve.

If you think about grit in a material sense, it’s kind of rough. It’s got character. You can’t just wash it away and smooth it over without effort – it’s tough and it ain’t budging.

I admire people with grit. 

I like their oomph, their get-up-and-go. I think we want to follow people who have got grit, leaders who stick in there and see things through.

Grit doesn’t just show up in your life though. You can’t buy it at the corner store and add it to your character. You’ve got to build it in daily, through proving to yourself that you do have the willpower to make things happen and stay true to your decisions.

Start with small things. Keep those little promises to yourself, don’t quit before the job is done.

Eventually, you’ll become a person with grit. You’ll increase your own chances of succeeding, no matter what it is you put your mind to.

Be Gritty

To me, this is being conscientious. It’s doing those little extra bits that other people might skip over or decide aren’t worth the effort.

It speaks of a strong character, someone who isn’t willing to settle for a half-pie attempt – even (and perhaps especially!) with the small stuff. Conscientious people are great to work with; you know that they’ll do what’s right, both when it’s easy and when things get challenging. This is the quality you want in your Doctor, your midwife, your business advisor.

And even if we don’t have the fate of someone’s life or business in our hands, I think it’s something we can all benefit from developing.

Paying attention to the details of each task undertaken, being careful to ‘leave no trace’ after completing something, making sure the boxes are checked, things are signed off properly not haphazardly… this can only lead to being a more thorough, trusted, mindful person.

Remember to activate your ‘Control-Complete’ function, and …

Be Conscientious

However, I am not convinced that a tight grip on one’s money, and more thrifty and resource-constrained behavior is the solution to the problem. Rather than confirming to the world around you that you have anything you need, this behavior just creates vibes of scarcity and therefore interrupts the flow of resources and wealth to you.

Instead of worrying about your savings account, ask yourself if your spending aligns with your principles and will increase your abundance in the long-term. Does it serve you?

Shouting your catch-up lunch? Yep, as it is an investment in a relationship and signals your abundance. Grab take-away lunch just because it’s convenient? Nope, doesn’t serve you! Buying organic, healthy, and pricey groceries? Absolutely, as this gives you more energy and preserves your long-term health -  go nuts! Investing a hundred bucks in a whiteboard to mind-map your business ideas? Well worth it, because it makes you think in new ways that may bring up new business ideas, or new ways to create value! Buying yet another fancy pair of dress shoes? No investment in abundance! Buying your friend a thank-you present because he hooked you up with a new client or business connection? A must!  Investing in programs or coaches that make you a better, fitter, more knowledgeable, more effective person – go for it!

These are just a few examples, but I think you get the idea. Whenever you expend resources on something, don’t worry too much about the dent in your bank account, but be aware of the long-term benefit it brings to you. If there’s none, consider not buying it. Abundance comes from not worrying about your resources, knowing you have everything you need and that your supply is limitless. This is true, however, you can only truly feel abundant if you don’t waste your resources, but invest them with purpose in other people, and things that serve you. When you do this consistently, you might be surprised how effortless plenty of what you need flows your way.

Be Abundant

You know the days when you sit in front of your computer to start working and you’re not exactly sure what to do first? On these days I usually end up checking my email and distracting myself with all sorts of minuscule tasks – reading blog posts, checking the wave forecast, and entertaining my mind with random facts and pieces of information. Doing all this creates the illusion of productivity. I spend two hours on the internet without really getting things done – I start feeling unproductive and crave a coffee as I feel my energy level decreasing. But really, how could I feel productive when I have not clearly specified what it is I wanted to get done and in which order. I am not organised, therefore I am not feeling I am doing the things I should be doing.

Being organised is not only making you more productive, you also feel more productive which makes your work or whatever you’re doing a whole lot more satisfying. Initially it may seem like a whole lot of administrative effort to fill every half hour slot of your Google Calender with things you want to get done. It certainly did to me – and it still does at times. It’s just another habit, another way of operating. It makes you aware how much you can get done in a day if you fill out all your time slots. Over time it may improve your ability to estimate realistically how long things take and so improves your time management. And most importantly, it makes you more productive and you also feel that way – which I find super satisfying. You end up being more focused when every task has its place and there is only one option of what to do in any given moment. And focused is fun, because it’s those fully engaged, focused moments when we forget that we’re working, when we waste no thought on what we rather would be doing and can wholly enjoy what we’re currently doing.

Next time you feel you’re not quite clear on what to do today, or feel distracted or jumping between tasks, it might help you take a break and organise your day before you proceed. Not because it’s more ‘productive’, but because it will make your day more fun and enjoyable.

Be Organised

We’re descended from explorers, trail-blazers, hunters and foragers, pioneers, people who worked the land, faced down challenges, and had never heard of insurance.

It’s easy to forget that though when you’re sitting in an air-conditioned office on a padded chair, with only mental stimulus and your ready-made supermarket dinner waiting in the fridge at home.

Society wants to keep us tame, manageable, and easy to predict.

But something in us cries out to be wild – to be out in nature, to get muddy and not care, to feel our blood really pumping, to yell and shout and just let go.

Wild could be dancing in the rain, running as fast as you can on the beach or through the bush, saying what you actually think, not what’s politically correct, breaking the rules occasionally if they were stupid in the first place … getting in touch with your primitive, instinctive desires and impulses.

It may be seen as inappropriate or ‘bad’, but it will only be the tame, meek people telling you that.

Embrace the raw, instinct-driven fighter within. Listen to those gut urges and what nature is telling you. Get out of the office, leave the comfort of home occasionally, and …

Be Wild 

Apparently savvy organisations are setting budgets aside specifically for becoming more accessible. 

I see the business sense in this. As I sit listening to her, I start to wonder how accessible I am.

Do people feel like they can approach me? Does my communication style cater for all different types of people from different walks of life? Am I the kind of person that others want to connect with, work with, do life with?

Or am I stuck in my ways, like some sluggish corporate, following the same old systems and processes that only work for the repeat customers who have been with me from the beginning.

Just like a cold, bureaucratic corporate, we as individuals often have a tendency to shut ourselves off from anything or anyone we don’t understand.

I want to be accessible.

I want there to be a friendly ‘Welcome!’ sign out, a universally understood smile on my face that makes people feel like they can ask me for a favour, ask me for directions, talk to me about their issues and concerns.

There’s a flow-on affect – as we open ourselves up and consciously operate in a way that’s accessible to those around us, it impacts the way we do business, the way our governments operate, the way our schools teach. 

The world becomes open to everyone; no matter who they are, where they’re from, and what they struggle with.

But it starts with us – with you, with me.

We have to learn to change our approach, be aware of others needs, have an openness in what we do and say, so that slowly, we can:

Be Accessible

• They smile at everyone with genuine warmth that shows their love for fellow humans.
• They enthusiastically look for opportunities to serve others – generally doing more than required. They are the ones who stay after your dinner party and happily do the dishes without making you feel guilty.
• They look for the good and happy news to talk about and deflect any gossip or negativity.
• They are hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise, usually deflecting praise for their own. They generally have a great sense of humour and laugh easily – they make you feel good because you can make them giggle.
• They tend to be generous with their resources and spend very little on themselves.
• They are always onto a new thing and passionately share what they’ve recently learned and motivate others to try it out.
• They don’t presume or take for granted; they don’t expect or get disappointed. They are generally grateful and openly express their thanks for whatever life offers them.

The energy giver expends as much energy as he possibly can, mostly for others. As a result, he seems to be more energetic, joyful and happy. It’s nothing new, really, it’s the old principle of ‘the more you give the more you get’ applied to everyday life.  It works in all situations, everyone can do it and it costs you nothing but some life energy that you’ll get back with a decent mark-up. If we would all give a little more life energy and enthusiasm to all we do, we could create a more energetic world, with more wide-open and bright eyes smiling at us. Give it a try and…

Be an Energy Giver

For most of us, everyday life doesn’t challenge us to the limits of our mental or physical capacity. Yes, some of us consciously seek challenges in jobs, sports or hobbies. This is great and may be beneficial, but is not the same as when life throws an involuntary challenge at you that you haven’t signed up for. Going for your lunch-break jog is simply not the same as running from a saber-tooth tiger that is eager to have you for lunch. When this metaphor comes into your reality, it counts to be prepared and know with confidence that you can endure. It is good to know that you are a tough cookie.

There is not much to being tough, it’s just another mental habit. The soft guy feels his legs burning on that uphill run and, just like the tough guy’s inner voice, his is telling him to slow down and walk a couple of steps. The fundamental difference lays in the response. The soft guy obeys the voice and slows down. The tough guy does exactly the opposite. He hears the voice and realizes that the last 100 meters of this run is an opportunity to make him a little tougher, a little more resilient, and less prone to suffering and therefore happier.  in the long term. He goes harder because he chooses lasting happiness over immediate comfort.

So the next time you’re choosing a challenge or facing involuntary adversity, you can choose to realize the opportunity and go harder despite the discomfort. You won’t regret it. Choose your own happiness over comfort and…

Be Strong